6 Things I Learned In My First Year of Motherhood

 

 

Motherhood is a roller coaster ride through and through.

The First Year of MOTHERHOOD!

The first year of motherhood, especially for the first time is hard, to say the least! As a first-time mom, there were so many moments where I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I yelled, I cried and I mean heart-wrenching crying, I rejoiced but most importantly I go through it.

I often scroll through my phone’s photo gallery at his earlier pictures and am literally astonished about how much he has grown! Being a first-time mom, I definitely didn’t know what to expect. Typically, I applied my “fake it till’ you make it”  life philosophy, and literally winged it until I got the hang of things. Even though my mother did stay with me for the first month’s of J’s life, I was still so lost! With my husband so quickly needing to go back to work after his birth, I was basically left to figure things out on my own as he grew – all while keeping my Mom on speed-dial 24/7! Trust me that still has not changed!

There are many things I learned but I feel that these are the top 6 things I learned in my first year of being a mother.

 

• SELF CARE IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF AND BABY

There is nothing more important in being a mother than having time for yourself. You give of yourself all day. Early on you give everything of yourself night and day and you are the sole provider for so much and in return, you don’t get a lot other than sweet sounds and cuddles. In many ways that little one is still very much attached. It shifts as they grow, but still, you must preserve yourself not just for that little one, but for your partner, the world, and most importantly for yourself. Choose something every day that is solely for you. I would ask for things like the freedom to shower and take care of myself alone and in peace for at least 30 minutes. Nowadays I make sure to set aside creative time, time alone whether showering or working out and then girl’s nights and dates. All of these things are important in preserving me and my mental health. If you fail to do this all the other advice means nothing. Care for yourself first. Pamper yourself. Give back to yourself and recharge. If you are like me you will learn the hard way where that line is, but make sure you find the time and find a partner or friend to help you achieve it

 

• TAKE AS MANY PHOTOS & VIDEOS OF YOUR MUNCHKIN AS YOU CAN

No matter what! Even on the days, you feel ugly take a selfie with your little. No matter the double chin in bed, take the picture. I personally had such a hard time with this one because I was so down about the baby weight gain but I have slowly come out of it and could care less. Memories last a lifetime! They matter, they are moments and they pass so quickly. I have been cherishing looking back on J’s photos and videos from this time last year. They are so special and the time will never come back.

 

“Make time for your husband. No matter how hard it is, nurture your marriage/partnership as well. It also is going through a lot of changes and things will change. Don’t be afraid of it”.

 

• MAKE TIME FOR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Relationships are really hard work. And having a baby is going to change that relationship. A LOT. Not necessarily for the better or for the worse, but it will change it. Making sure you put time and effort into it is really important. Make time for date night, even if it’s just dinner on the verandah when the baby is asleep. Turn the television off, put your phones on silent (because honestly, nobody actually turns their phones off), and spent 10 minutes each night talking about your day. Communicate what you need. Men aren’t psychic, and as much as we would like to, we can’t be pissy with them for not providing what we need when we haven’t actually verbalized it. For most of us, we are parenting in a partnership, and it’s important to nurture that along with ourselves and our babies.

• EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT

People seem to think that once you have a baby, you become an expert. Wrong! Whether it’s your first baby or your 4th, every baby is so different and need to be parented differently.  Don’t put pressure on yourself to have your shit together just because you’ve done this before. Some babies breastfeed easily, some don’t. Some sleep through early on, some don’t. Some projectile poop onto windows, some don’t. Each of your babes is going to need different things from you and at different times. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re entitled to feel just as lost as the first-time mom sitting next to you. No two babies are the same, not even twins. They develop at different rates, they learn things at different times, and they have individual personalities. Don’t worry if that baby at playgroup is walking while your little one is still barely butt shuffling along with the group. They will get there. Just at different times. And that’s okay.

 

• FIND YOUR MAMA TRIBE

Find your tribe of moms. It will be one of the single greatest things you ever did. Go to playgroup, and find some rad moms to hang out with. Join a mother’s group, and catch up with them once a week for coffee or a walk. Or do what we did, and find an online mother’s group. When one of us is struggling at 3 am with a baby who hasn’t slept all night and won’t stop screaming, it’s a pretty beautiful thing to be able to chat with another mom in exactly the same position. We are spread out over the entire country, so the time differences mean that there will always be someone else who is awake and who will listen. When one of our moms lost her husband, we rallied hard. We got meals delivered so she didn’t have to cook, and bought her on a girl’s night out for when she needs to let her hair down. When moms haven’t been able to breastfeed, donor milk has been organized. Your mom tribe is your greatest asset in that first year. Find that tribe and love them hard.

• THIS IS JUST A PHASE AND IT WILL PASS

So, this one is in pretty much every article about new parenthood but it’s such a big one I’ve chosen to include it as well. Weeks of illness for the whole family, months of living off 3-6 hours of broken sleep, months of the baby hating car rides/the stroller/a mode of transport that isn’t you; there is a lot to not like about having a small baby and it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking these things will never end. But eventually things get better and the normalcy returns. Until the next baby comes along!

Life ebbs and flows; there will be good times and there will be bad times. Through it all, we know these (largely minor but frustrating and upsetting) things won’t last forever. Often when I was particularly stressed about something I would ask myself if it were likely to be an issue in a few weeks’ time? A few months’ time? Next year? It usually wasn’t. This, paired with a good complaining session with another new mom (essential), usually gave me the perspective to trust that this too shall pass.